worst date ever (fictional)

Written By: Paris, Rachel, and Madi

So my friend set me up with this blind date. He sounded like a great guy, dark brown hair, deep brown eyes that a girl could get lost in, and a wonderful sence of humor. But it turned out it was the WORST DATE EVER!!!!


I first got a clue that he wasn't the prince charming I had a imagined when he showed up wearing suspenders and long red socks. His hair flew in all directions, and covered his eyes, ruining any chance I had of ever "getting lost" in them. I could only hope his personality would make up for his looks.


"Whoooo-eeeeee!" He exclaimed when he saw me. "She picked me out a right fine lookin gal. CAN I GET YO DIGITS?"


Um, Lord, I thought. Please send the rapture quickly because death would be painful. And I don't think I'll make it through this date.


He was going to be the one driving us to the resturant so i picked up sweater and walked briskly past him to survey the car to see if that would be any sign that this could have one perk. then i saw it....a huge...black...double...bicycle. Not the new ones like youre thinking of. But one so old it looked like the pilgrims had taken a few spins on it themselves. my jaw dropped and as he stpped out of the doorway and shut the large heavy door he said "aint she a beaut!?" he smiled with such pride,"shes my pride and joy! no woman could top her!!!"


Shocked, I nodded. This was going to be a longgggg evening. He looked at me exclaimed, "Well don't just stand there Cupcake! Hop on! We've got a lot of biking to do if we're going to make it to dinner before dark!" I looked at him. At the bike. At my 3 inch heels. Back at the bike. Back at him-oh, gross!, I think. He's picking his nose!


I gingerly got on and gripped the handlebars with all my might - not caring anymore about my nails I had worked on for three hours. When it came down to 1)living through this awful night or 2) impressing him with my manicured hands, I chose #1. And thus we started out. Uphill.

WE all know that guys sweat. Its common knowledge. Well apparently this guy sweats even more than regular guys!!! and has never heard of deoderant! i needed a gas mask as he slowly made the top of the hill. He stopped forhalf a minute and i prayed the sky would start raining down old spice on this guy!!!! THen he stared into my eyes and said, "now for the "fun" part" he smiled. He gripped the handle bars a shoved off down the hill.....

"Aaaarrgggg-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as we flew down the steep hill. "Stop this thing!!!!!" He paid no attention to me as he yelled,"Whooo-hoooo!" Then he turned around and looked at me as we sped down. "Keep your eyes on the road!" I screamed frantically. "Ahhh! We're Going to CRASH!!!!!!!"

The scenery whizzed past and we swerved into the street. Cars honked and as we sped by, headed straight for a telephone pole. My whole life flashed before my eyes - it was very boring. Oh, God, I prayed. If you let me survive this I will NEVER go on a date again. Boys will be STRICTLY off limits. The pole was approaching fast. "I'LL EVEN BECOME A NUN!" I screamed at Him.
The as if by an act of God we missed the pole!!! and we stopped right in front of the very returant we were headed to i sat there...comatose. I couldnt move my arms were wrapped around him (yes WRAPPED around him i had been clinging for dear life) "ok we're here sweet thing....you can let go now?" he said. i couldnt move. he unhinged my arms from around his waist and set me off the bike. I stood there staring at this thing that haqd almost been the death of me. "we can do it again on our way back" he announced excitedly. I turned to him..mouth gaping. Nuh uh..i was not doing that again.

"Come on Babe, lets get some chow," he said as he walked into a very scary, dark, and dirty looking resturant. Not wanting to be left alone in the equally scary parking lot, I followed him inside. Bad move. I would have been better off in the parking lot. I limped inside the building, my feet killing me from peddling up that gigantic hill in my heels. As I stood next to him, I relized I shouldn't have worn heels anyway. I was about 6 inches taller than him with them on. All that pain for nothing. What a waste.

"What is this place?" I asked.

He grinned with pride. "It's my family's restraunt."

My eye quivered. A pink slip of paper on the wall caught my eye. Health rating: 55

Im going to die i thought....my life would end with this jerk. yup life stinks. He walked into the resturant like he owned the place...O wait he did!!! which he announced every 10seconds. He picked the best table in the house...it was under the vent..right beside the bathroom WHAT A VIEW!!!! He called for the waiter to come over. The waiter was tall with dark brown hair, dark brown eyes that a girl could get lost in, this sounded like the guy i was supposed to date. "this is my brother Nick", my date said offhandily. "will you go ahead and order..i have a date soon. Im already running late!", nick exclaimed.

I stared wistfully after him as he walked away from our table. Why couldn't he have been my date? I thought. I huffed under my breath. "What'll you have Pigpie?" he asked me. Pigpie???? What? "Um, I'm not sure. What do you have....that's edible?" "We have everything from Lasagna to hamburgers. My family owns this-" "Yeah yeah, I know, I know. Your family owns this resturant." "How'd you know that?" he asked confusedly. I rolled my eyes. "I don't know....maybe you've said that before?!" "Huh. Well, anyway, I'm getting the dog bone pie. Its my favorit!" Eww. "Uhh, I'll have the spaghetti, I guess." He nodded his approval, "Good choice."

Nick glided back over in all his hunky glory. "What'll you have to drink?" He asked. "Dr. Pepper, please." I said. His eyes sparkled. "I love Dr. Pepper!"Omg...this guy is amazing i thought. He walked out of the room. Id rather date the brother than this guy i was staring at..looking at his reflection in his spoon. TO bad he had a date tooooo-----......wait. Just then Nick walked in with my drink. "so you have a date tonight?" i asked. "yeah its a blind date im like really nervous." he said smiling. Eveything made since now. I looked at my "date" ...i picked up my Dr.Pepper and pourded it on his head.

"Wow!" he exclaimed. "You've got some spunk in you. But really, you never do that without first yelling the appropriate phrase." he grinned. And that's when I knew I'd made a bad mistake pouring that on his head. "FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!" he yelled. "Ahhhh!!!" I started to scream, but it was quickly muffled when my date picked up some strange green mush I assumed was food, and hurled it at me. It landed right in my mouth, and tasted disgusting. "That's it!" I screamed. "I've had enough. I started snatching all kinds of strange articals of food off near by tables and throwing them at him. All the while telling him how much I hated this "date" we were on, and how much I detest him. He, being the gentleman he is, of course threw things right back. Laughing the entire time. Only too bad I forgot that Nick was standing right there watching the whole entire thing.
When i remembered that fact i froze, I turned to look at him. He stared at me looking very confused. I walked over to him and Said, "i think i was supposed to be your date tonight..but your brother showed up instead." He stared at me. then as if it by a bolt of lightning he understood. "excuse me for just a second. " he said as he walked away. He grabbed his brother by the susspenders and drug him in the back. I could here my "date" screaming "shes just so hott!!!" then everything went silent. Nick came out alone. But i wasnt conserned. He took off his apron threw it down on the floor and walked toward me. he took me by the hand and said "i had a wonderful time tonight maybe we should do it again sometime"

And he winked.